If I Die - Facebook

Imagine scrolling through Facebook one morning and spotting a status update from an old friend stating she had passed away the night before.

Then imagine clicking through and getting a message from beyond the grave: famous last words about their regrets, victories and defeats. Or maybe a final paean to an old flame?
Though it sounds morbid, experts say a growing number of Internet users are confronting their own mortality, both online and off.
"I've heard it's becoming more and more common to leave social media account passwords in wills," says Samantha Collier, who operates a social media consultancy business.
"Some people want to make sure their accounts don't get hacked or have personal information stolen, and others want to leave pictures and/or music to their family."
Collier, who specializes in legal matters, was recently asked to "immortalize" a Facebook account for a client whose family member suddenly passed away -- which freezes the profile but allows friends to leave messages and comments in memorium.
"When someone's profile is immortalized, it can't be logged into and many personal details are kept private," says Collier. "They no longer show up in your 'suggested friends' for obvious reasons. Their profiles are only viewable to their current friends, too."
But users can go a step further, too, with Facebook applications like If I Die.
In basic terms, the app allows Facebook users to record or write a final message -- via webcam or through text -- and assign three administrators.
Once the person dies, those three administrators can then publicly post the pre-recorded death message to the profile.
"I personally think it is a good idea, since only those who truly see value in the service, will choose to use it. The more options and flexibility for individuals, the better," says Jeff Quipp, who runs an Internet marketing business.
According to some estimates, there are as many as 1.78 million dead users on Facebook. Other estimates say that up to three Facebook users die each minute.
"When a family is grieving, shutting down a loved one's social networks is probably the last thing they'd want to do," Quipp said in an email to CTVNews.ca.

Choosing a Funeral Home

Choosing a Funeral Home

Funeral homes came through an interesting evolution from their humble beginnings in the mid-19th Century. Originally responsible for the preservation and shipment of Civil War dead, they grew along with the westward expansion of our nation. The 'undertaker' later became a fulltime job, rather than just something else a barber or merchant did in the community, and once this name became the butt of jokes, they started calling themselves 'morticians'. Half-way through the 20th Century this again changed to 'funeral director', which is where you find the profession today.

A parallel line of ownership has evolved as well. As little as a quarter century ago, when a full funeral with burial could still be had for a few hundred dollars, virtually all funeral homes were owned by individuals and families. Today, over fifteen percent of all funeral homes, and an even greater percentage of 'for profit' cemeteries and crematories, are owned by large corporations, but this percentage is deceiving. Fully one-in-four funerals is conducted by a corporate-owned funeral home, because most of the 'high-traffic' homes have been bought out. This bodes poorly for the consumer because corporations ... ALL corporations ... tend to be more concerned with stockholders and earnings than they are with the families they serve.

The first step in funeral planning, particularly if you find yourself at-need, is to get a friend by your side. This should be someone who is somewhat removed from the deceased, so the friend's emotions will not be a factor. It should also be someone whose judgement you trust and, preferably, someone who has been through the arrangement process in the recent past.
This friend should be someone who has the strength of character to say 'NO' or at least 'Not YET', to keep you from being pressured into hasty decisions. We would have little respect for anyone who walked onto a used car lot and said to the salesman, "Just give me what you think I need, and make it nice.", and yet this is precisely what many families do at the funeral home. One of our researchers, working undercover so to speak, hired into a funeral home and underwent training as a Grief Counselor, which is a death care industry euphemism for SALESMAN. This training consisted of one day, with heavy emphasis on getting the family to say those magic words YOU do it. The grief portion of the training consisted of learning how to speak in hushed tones, when to push a box of tissues across the desk and little else. At Tough Times we work hard to NOT join the list of Salesman out there. We ensure that your family needs are taken care of and have a genuine concern for ALL our clients. Contact us today for ALL your funeral needs by
Calling:
+27 (011) 867 4418
OR
083 553 2637

Xhosa Funeral Traditions

A letter from a Xhosa Grandmother to her grandchild explaining the traditions of a Xhosa Funeral.

So today I want to tell you about how we bury the dead and why we do this.
You will have seen us empty the house and make space for all the family that comes from all
over.
We have to feed them, and they sit with us bezila nathi (they mourn with us).
As you know most of the time the funeral is on the second Saturday after the death and the
body will be brought to the house just before the funeral. Everybody must come to the day of
the funeral and many people give speeches.

On the day of the funeral or some time soon afterwards you have seen our elders go out and
buy a cow and slaughter it very early in the morning. The men cook the cow in big pots full of
boiling water and they do not add any spice. Then we all eat the meat, outside of the house.
All the meat must be eaten before any other food is served.

Our elders speak to the ancestors and we are all serious during this time. This is when we tell
you to keep quiet too. The dead person carries our messages to the ancestors so that they
remember us and do not forget to forgive us. In this way we send the dead person to their
new home, so that they can become a true ancestor. Our prayers help them find the way.
This we call, as you know, „UMKAPHO“.

Maybe you have wondered why we do this mainly for the men and not for the women. Well,
the women know the way, so they do not need help.
We put beer and meat and flowers and a white candle in the corner of the house. The beer
and the meat are for the ancestors to taste. The burning candle keeps the bad spirits away
that like to come to funerals. That is also why we burn imphepho.
(Some of us don’t like children to come to the funerals, because of the bad spirits, because
children can see more than the adults can, and they do not want you to be disturbed by
what you see. But I think if we speak openly to one another about these things children can
deal with them quite well.)
We must never burn our dead. We must always bring them back to the place they belong to,
so that they can be reunited with all the ancestors and sleep in the ground they were taken
from.
There we put them into the grave. We also put food for them and their walking stick and
other things into the grave that they might need.
On the day after the funeral we like to sprinkle you and the adults as well with water and
herbs to cleanse you from any shadows you may have picked up.
The clan decides together how long ukuzila should be: Sometimes 6 months, sometimes 9
months, sometimes a year. The women have to wear black during that time and stay at
home. The men usually wear a black button or scarf.
At the end of ukuzila we women gather round the widow and bring her new clothes. We take
her old, black clothes off and burn them. Then we put the new colourful clothes on her. We
call this “„KHULULA IZILA“ (which means take off from mourning.) This is why we only ever
wear cheap black clothes during ukuzila, because at the end of ukuzila they get burned.
The men do not have this ritual.
After about a year or longer we hold as you know “UMBUYISO“. This is when we celebrate,
that the person who died has now become a real ancestor and has come back to us to help
and protect us.

We welcome him home. So we slaughter another cow. This time the women prepare the
meat with spices in the way the person would have liked. And we eat the meat inside the
house and celebrate together that they have come back to us.

Sometimes “UMBUYISO” and the unveiling of the tombstone happen at the same time.
“UMBUYISO“, we celebrate again and again. Whenever we have a dream about the person,
and they ask us for food or drink, we celebrate it, in their honours. It says “welcome home” to
the ancestors.

My dear umzukulwana, I have written a little today about how we bury our dead.
The important thing to remember is that they are just in hiding (this is what the Xhosa word for
funeral means) they cannot be seen, but they watch over us.

Suggested Graveside Sermon

Funeral for Graveside Service

Memorial Services are in reality for the living and on such occasions they serve a three-fold service!

The First Purpose of a Memorial Service is to Remember the Deceased
A. Obituary Reading

The Second Purpose of a Memorial Service is to Comfort the Broken Hearted.

A. There is comfort in the memories of how __________ touched your life and made it different.
B. There is comfort in remembering that death is not the end.
C. There is comfort in knowing that you can see those who have a relationship with Christ again.
D. Our greatest comfort is found in Christ.

“When sorrow comes, as come it must,
in God man, must place his trust.
There is no power of mortal speech
The anguish of his soul to reach.

No voice, however, sweet and low,
can comfort Him or ease the blow.
He cannot from his fellow men
take strength that will sustain him then.

With all that kindly hands will do,
and all that love may offer too,
He must believe throughout the test
that God has willed it for his best.

…. No words which we have the power to say can take the sting of grief away.

That power that marks the sparrow’s fall
Must comfort and sustain us all.
When sorrow comes, as come it must,
in God man must place his trust.

… And only he may stand serene
who has faith on which to lean.”
.[Edgar Guest. One place it can be found is Sofine’s Edgar Guest Collection - www.sofinesjoyfulmoments.com/quotes/edguest.htm]

Jesus said, “come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
Jesus has promised through the writer of Hebrews, “I will never leave you ..nor forsake you.”
And it is through a relationship with Christ that we are able to say as the Psalmist, “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”

The Third Purpose of a Memorial Service is to Prepare the Living.
In reality we are not given a choice about whether to met death, or even when to meet death, only how to meet death. There is in the Gospel according to John a story recorded in the eleventh chapter that speaks to the situation we find ourselves in today. Here Martha and Mary’s beloved brother Lazarus has been sick and has died. Jesus’ words of comfort to this grieving family speaks to those whose hearts are heavy today.

Read (John 11:1, 17-27)
“A man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha…. (3) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Master, the one you love so very much is sick."… (17) When Jesus finally got there, he found Lazarus already four days dead. … (19) and many of the Jews were visiting Martha and Mary, sympathizing with them over their brother. (20) Martha heard Jesus was coming and went out to meet him. Mary remained in the house. (21) Martha said, "Master, if you’d been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. (22) Even now, I know that whatever you ask God he will give you."(23) Jesus said, "Your brother will be raised up." (24) Martha replied, "I know that he will be raised up in the resurrection at the end of time." (25) "You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, the Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. (26) And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?"
(27) "Yes, Master.

How to select the right funeral flowers

When you are giving funeral flower arrangements you are paying your last tribute to that person. And, for this reason, you should put a lot of thought into what you select. Make sure that your final selection reflects the personality of the person you wish to honor. Is it something that he or she would enjoy? It should be.
If the recently deceased liked the outdoors, incorporate natural outdoorsy pieces into the display. If the deceased enjoyed a certain type of flower, try to use those flowers in the arrangement. Tell the florist as much as you can about the deceased to help them to capture him or her in the arrangement. If you are completely stuck, ask the florist for guidance; he or she is likely to have images of traditional funeral arrangements on hand.

Flowers for a funeral do not have to be sent directly to the funeral home. It is perfectly acceptable to send flowers to the family's home.
This is the time to express your sympathy for the family of the deceased and sending your arrangement directly to their home might even give it a more personal feel. When should you send the flowers? There's no correct answer to this question.
You could send them immediately or wait a week or two. Flowers are meant to show your sympathy and, no matter when they arrive, the family will know that you have not forgotten—that's what really matters.

Traditionally, placing a tribute in or on a casket is a right reserved only for the close loved ones and family members of the deceased. If this is something you would like to be involved with, contact the family members of the deceased and ask if you might have the honor of contributing to the casket tribute.


The way individuals pay tribute to sympathy varies greatly. Each region is different and it's in your better interest not to make assumptions about which type of funeral flowers to send. Before choosing, ask your florist for recommendations. If you get lucky the florist might even know the types of flowers that others have ordered (including the family) and can arrange something complimentary.

Mortuary Cold Storage

Morgues function to provide a clean and isolated environment in which bodies can be autopsied, preserved and/or prepared for death before a funeral. Morticians and autopsy technicians use morgues to ensure that the proper cause of death has been noted and to visually prepare the body for the viewing of the family of the deceased. This preparation phase is psychologically important to the family of the deceased, who are likely to be more at ease seeing the body of the deceased as they were remembered in life.

Cold storage is known to slow down the rate of decomposition and preserves the body for identification, without cold storage decomposition advances rapidly, within 12 to 48 hours in hot climates decomposition will be too advanced to allow facial recognition.

There are two types of mortuary cold chambers:

• Positive Temperature: Bodies are kept between 2°C and 4°C. While this is usually used for keeping bodies for up to several weeks, it does not prevent decomposition, which continues at a slower rate than at room temperature.

• Negative Temperature: Bodies are kept at between -10°C and -50°C. Usually used at forensic institutes, particularly when a body has not been identified. At these temperatures the body is completely frozen and decomposition is very much reduced.

In some countries, the body of the deceased is embalmed before disposal, which makes refrigeration unnecessary.

In many countries, the family of the deceased must make the burial within three days of death, however in some other countries it is usual that burial takes place some weeks or months after the death.

Tough Times Long Distance Funeral Transport  has recently added a cold storage facility to it's services in order to better serve their clients

Choosing a Funeral Home

Depending upon the wishes of the family and their specific needs concerning the death of their loved one, there are many activities a funeral home will take care of, from the time they are first called until the chosen services are concluded. No situation is exactly the same. Many funeral homes offer various "packages" of commonly selected goods and services that make up a funeral. But when you arrange for a funeral, you have the right to buy individual goods and services. Meaning: you do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want, you have the right to choose what you find appropriate for your loved one or even yourself. 

According to the Funeral Rule:

·       You have the right to choose the funeral goods and services you want  (with some exceptions).

·       The funeral home must state this in writing on the general price list.

·       If state or local law requires you to buy any particular item, the funeral provider must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.

·       The funeral home may not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket you bought elsewhere

A funeral home that offers cremations must make alternative containers available

the following list is a brief summary of things a family should know about the services a funeral home performs upon a person's death:

Be on call to serve families when a death occurs, 24 hours a day.

Remove and transfer the deceased from the place of death to the funeral home.

Perform professional care of the the deceased, as requested by the family, which may include washing, embalming, restorative art, dressing, casketing, hairdressing and cosmetology.

Arrange a consultation with the family to gather information necessary for completing paperwork and to arrange the details of the funeral service.

Formulate, complete and file of all necessary paperwork, including certificates of death, or other premits and authorizations.

Compose, with the provided information, an obituary - including service information, biographical information and survivor information - and send to all newspapers requested by the family.

Offer assistance to the family by contacting the family's choice of clergy, other officiants, musicians and singers if requested.

Contact and arrange necessary details with the cemetery, crematory or other place of disposition, inquiring about fees, regulations and other requirements prior to funeral services.

Help families with questions about veterans affairs, social security benefits, insurance claims and other inquiries.

Help families by arranging flowers, framed photos, photo collages and other memorial pieces in chapel during services and/or visitation.

Assist the family with other arrangements that are needed after the service, including death dates added to existing monuments or purchase of new monuments.

At Tough Times we take the time to understand your needs, our experienced staff are on hand to help with every detail. Contact us today