Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Losing someone or something you love is very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the sadness will never let up. These are normal reactions to a significant loss. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve —there are healthy ways to cope with the pain.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. 

The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved.

Everyone grieves differently

Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

Burial VS Cremation

Planning how to say good-bye to people we love is not an easy thing, whether you have lost a loved one or are making arrangements for your own farewell, There are two main options to consider after death, burial and cremation.

What cremation is: 
the body of the deceased is reduced to fragments of bone thru temperatures ranging from 1,500 F to 2,000 F degrees.  The actual cremation process takes from two to three hours with the time depending upon the weight of the individual.

Some people turn to cremation over burial or entombment because of the convenience, finding it more practical or cheaper to handle ashes instead of a body.

At this time, cremation is not allowed by the Orthodox Jews, the Islamic religion, Eastern Orthodox religion and some Fundamental Christian sects.

What a Burial is:
Process where a body is lowered into the earth’s soil in a casket, allowing the body to decay by a normal process.

The benefit of a burial is having a place to go to visit the departed provides solace to many loved ones.  A burial site provides a tangible link to the deceased.

For many people, the idea of a body slowly decomposing underground in a casket is undignified and even frightening. Cremation’s quick and clean disposal of a body is comforting to these people other people believe a burial as opposed to cremation demonstrates respect for the human body, they also believe that the body should be allowed to decay by a normal process instead of hastening which occurs during cremation.

What is a Trust Fund

What is a trust fund?

Trust funds are arrangements that allow individuals to create sustained benefits for another individual or entity. Sometimes parents establish a trust fund to provide some degree of financial security for their children, with the trust providing resources to meet basic needs after the parents are deceased. A trust fund can also be established to benefit a charity or other non-profit organization.

The main idea behind a trust fund is to allow the grantor or donor who established the fund to rest assured that loved ones or a particular organization receive the benefit of his or her estate after the grantor dies. The trust is aimed at providing sustained support in some manner.

A trust can include a wide range of assets. In addition to cash, a trust fund may include resources such as property, stocks, bonds, or any other type of financial instrument. The trust fund may be managed by a single trustee, or be structured to allow for more than one trustee. It is the responsibility of the trustee to see that the resources included in the trust fund are used in the best interests of the recipient of the trust.

Why open a trust fund?

A trust fund can serve a dual purpose that has great benefits. It can provide protection for family assets and money when the grantor dies against taxes and claims. And a trust can provide for the future needs of the grantor or his family or business. Money or assets put into a trust fund are not subject to estate taxes and may be exempt from other types of taxes as well, depending on the type of trust you have set up.

A trust:

* Provides stability

* Saves time and money in court

* Saves on taxes

* Privacy and no questions

No matter what type of trust fund you end up choosing, considering one is a wise choice. Trust funds can be an avenue for sound financial benefits and to make sure your family and estate are taken care of the way you would do it if you were here. Preparing now for the financial future lets you enjoy today without worrying. Tough Times has now opened a full funeral service, contact us for free advise

Writing a Will

Who Needs A Will?
Wills are not just for the rich. Regardless of how much or how little money you have, a will ensures that whatever personal belongings and assets you do have will go to family or beneficiaries you designate. Without a will, the court makes these decisions.
If you have children, a will is a must, to ensure that you get to choose your children's guardian. Few people plan to die in the near future, but if you die suddenly without a will, you'll be subjecting your family and loved ones to confusion and anxiety at what is already a difficult time.
There are other benefits to having a will, including tax benefits.

Do You Need a Lawyer?
For most people, a will is easy to produce and can be prepared using legal software
How Do You Get Started?
At a minimum, a will should do the following: appoint a guardian if you have minor children, appoint an executor to administer your will when you die, and spell out specifically how you want your property distributed.
The first step in deciding how you want your property distributed is gathering information. You'll need the following:
Names, addresses, and birth dates for you, your spouse, your children, proposed guardians, and executor of your estate.
Amounts of all debts, including mortgages, car loans, student loans, business loans, and credit card accounts.
Copies of existing wills, trusts, divorce decrees, prenuptial agreements and any other legal documents that might affect a will.
A list of assets, including detailed information about the following:

• Real estate
• Savings (bank accounts, CDs, money markets)
• Investments (stocks, bonds, mutual funds, CDs)
• Life insurance policies
•  pension/retirement accounts
• Life insurance policies and annuities
• Ownership interest in a business
• Cars, boats, planes and other vehicles
• Jewelry
• Collectibles
• Artwork
• Antiques
• Furniture
• Other personal property

If you decide to do it yourself using software like Willmaker, sit down in front of your computer with all of the above information and in a few hours you can produce a will that is legal in your state. Be sure to follow the software's instructions on having your will signed and witnessed. If you feel more comfortable having a lawyer do it, you'll need to take the above information with you to your appointment.
The best of wills won't be any good if nobody knows how to find it. Make sure your family members and your executor know where your will is kept.

Tough Times will soon be providing a full funeral home service. Contact our friendly staff for assistance with your Will. 

Types of Funeral Services

Types of Funeral Services

Each culture and religious belief defines a funeral a little differently.
Today, we commemorate a death in a several different ways. Traditional funeral services are held in the presence of the casketed body whereas the body of the deceased is not present for memorial services. These services are typically held at a funeral home, church, chapel or other house of worship. Oftentimes, funeral services are also held at graveside.

1. Traditional Funeral Services These services typically include:
   
   • One or more "visitations" where the mourners gather, with the body present in an open or closed casket, to express condolences. 
   • A service to commemorate the life of the deceased with the body present in an open or closed casket. 
   • A procession to the cemetery where additional ceremonies may take place and the deceased is buried.
2. Memorial Services Memorial Services commemorate the life of the deceased without the body present. They are usually following burial or cremation, or if the body has not been recovered (e.g., lost at sea).
   
3. Combined Traditional and Memorial Services Both types of services — a visitation and a service with the body present, as well as one or more memorial services without the body present — can be arranged to commemorate one life. For example, memorial services can be held for mourners living in other cities or to honor a public figure for whom a private service was held.
   
4. Graveside Services Sometimes commemorative services are held at the cemetery, either in a chapel or beside the grave, immediately prior to burial.
   
5. Non-commemorative Funerals Also known as "direct" dispositions, non-commemorative funerals are when the deceased is buried, cremated, or donated to medical science without any formal service to remember the life that has passed.
   

Visitation (Wake)

Visitation periods (or "wake") have their roots in ancient times when it was customary to watch over the deceased for varying lengths of time before burial. The custom of continuously watching arose because there was hope that the deceased might regain consciousness, as well as concern about someone being buried alive. The practice also fulfilled a psychological need by gradually conditioning family and friends to the reality of the death.
Today, visitations are typically held at a funeral home that provides the facilities, seating and staff to accomodate a viewing and a gathering of people. During visiting hours, mourners come to offer their condolences to the family and pay their respects to the deceased. The casket may be open or closed and is usually displayed with floral arrangements that have been received and memorial presentations, if any.
The number and length of visitation periods varies depending upon religious or cultural customs and personal preference. A typical visitation of 2 to 4 hours can be held prior to the funeral on the same day or the day before. Full day visitations can also be held one or more days preceding the funeral.
There are differing views on the role of an open casket. Many feel it is an unbecoming and uncomfortable practice, prefering to remember the deceased as he or she was in life, not in death. However, many experts on grief and mourning believe that viewing the body is an important step in beginning to heal because it causes mourners to confront the reality of death. Of course, religious customs also dictate whether or not there should be an open casket.

If I Die - Facebook

Imagine scrolling through Facebook one morning and spotting a status update from an old friend stating she had passed away the night before.

Then imagine clicking through and getting a message from beyond the grave: famous last words about their regrets, victories and defeats. Or maybe a final paean to an old flame?
Though it sounds morbid, experts say a growing number of Internet users are confronting their own mortality, both online and off.
"I've heard it's becoming more and more common to leave social media account passwords in wills," says Samantha Collier, who operates a social media consultancy business.
"Some people want to make sure their accounts don't get hacked or have personal information stolen, and others want to leave pictures and/or music to their family."
Collier, who specializes in legal matters, was recently asked to "immortalize" a Facebook account for a client whose family member suddenly passed away -- which freezes the profile but allows friends to leave messages and comments in memorium.
"When someone's profile is immortalized, it can't be logged into and many personal details are kept private," says Collier. "They no longer show up in your 'suggested friends' for obvious reasons. Their profiles are only viewable to their current friends, too."
But users can go a step further, too, with Facebook applications like If I Die.
In basic terms, the app allows Facebook users to record or write a final message -- via webcam or through text -- and assign three administrators.
Once the person dies, those three administrators can then publicly post the pre-recorded death message to the profile.
"I personally think it is a good idea, since only those who truly see value in the service, will choose to use it. The more options and flexibility for individuals, the better," says Jeff Quipp, who runs an Internet marketing business.
According to some estimates, there are as many as 1.78 million dead users on Facebook. Other estimates say that up to three Facebook users die each minute.
"When a family is grieving, shutting down a loved one's social networks is probably the last thing they'd want to do," Quipp said in an email to CTVNews.ca.

Choosing a Funeral Home

Choosing a Funeral Home

Funeral homes came through an interesting evolution from their humble beginnings in the mid-19th Century. Originally responsible for the preservation and shipment of Civil War dead, they grew along with the westward expansion of our nation. The 'undertaker' later became a fulltime job, rather than just something else a barber or merchant did in the community, and once this name became the butt of jokes, they started calling themselves 'morticians'. Half-way through the 20th Century this again changed to 'funeral director', which is where you find the profession today.

A parallel line of ownership has evolved as well. As little as a quarter century ago, when a full funeral with burial could still be had for a few hundred dollars, virtually all funeral homes were owned by individuals and families. Today, over fifteen percent of all funeral homes, and an even greater percentage of 'for profit' cemeteries and crematories, are owned by large corporations, but this percentage is deceiving. Fully one-in-four funerals is conducted by a corporate-owned funeral home, because most of the 'high-traffic' homes have been bought out. This bodes poorly for the consumer because corporations ... ALL corporations ... tend to be more concerned with stockholders and earnings than they are with the families they serve.

The first step in funeral planning, particularly if you find yourself at-need, is to get a friend by your side. This should be someone who is somewhat removed from the deceased, so the friend's emotions will not be a factor. It should also be someone whose judgement you trust and, preferably, someone who has been through the arrangement process in the recent past.
This friend should be someone who has the strength of character to say 'NO' or at least 'Not YET', to keep you from being pressured into hasty decisions. We would have little respect for anyone who walked onto a used car lot and said to the salesman, "Just give me what you think I need, and make it nice.", and yet this is precisely what many families do at the funeral home. One of our researchers, working undercover so to speak, hired into a funeral home and underwent training as a Grief Counselor, which is a death care industry euphemism for SALESMAN. This training consisted of one day, with heavy emphasis on getting the family to say those magic words YOU do it. The grief portion of the training consisted of learning how to speak in hushed tones, when to push a box of tissues across the desk and little else. At Tough Times we work hard to NOT join the list of Salesman out there. We ensure that your family needs are taken care of and have a genuine concern for ALL our clients. Contact us today for ALL your funeral needs by
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