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What to write on a Headstone

What is a Headstone?

A headstone, tombstone, or gravestone is a marker, usually stone, that is placed over a grave. In most cases they have the deceased’s name, date of birth, and date of death inscribed on them, along with a personal message, or prayer.

Simply stated:  A headstone is a memorial stone set at the head of a grave.

Deciding What to Write on a Headstone

Deciding what to inscribe on the headstone is a task challenging and emotional at the same time. Here are the basics which make the part and parcel of a headstone.

The Basics

Name of the Deceased

The full name of the deceased is written on top of a headstone. Nickname can also be written in parentheses followed by the real name which facilitates identification and conveys love and remembrance for the deceased.

Date of Birth and Death

After the name, the date of birth and death must be present on a headstone. It marks how long your loved one lived before moving on to the other side  of the veil.

Add-Ons

Your Relationship with the deceased

Usually people mention their relationship with the deceased so as to let others feel the depth of love they have for him/her. You can begin with:

The Dearly Loved Husband

The Dearly Loved Wife

With Love We Remember

A Beloved Friend

A Devoted Brother

A Devoted Sister

Our Darling Daughter

Our Darling Son

Headstone Sayings

Mentioning the above doesn’t really say much about the bonding you and your loved onewere sharing. You should adorn the headstone with Biblical quotes and sayings as well as other legendary verses which relate to the characteristics of your loved one way or the other. This will suggest the visitors much about how special the deceased is to you.

Biblical Epitaphs

With the help of family and friends, select verses from Bible that convey messages of peace, love and remembrance.

Sleep on now, and take your rest.   
Matthew 26:45

He that endureth to the end shall be saved.   
Matthew 10:22

I am the resurrection and the life; he that believeth in me, though he were dead yet shall he live.

John 11:25

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

John 14:1

…All things work together for good to them that love God.

Romans 8:28

…Be thou faith unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.

Revelation 2:10

Personal Quotes and Sayings

You can also adorn the headstone with personal messages and quotes to express your lovefor the deceased.

"Here lies a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and grandmother who always cared."

"Here lies a son, brother, husband, and father who always put his family first."

"Life was a journey and now it’s time to rest."

"I will stop fighting life when life stops fighting me."

"My last ride will be to Heaven."

"The Lord is now my caretaker."

"Lying peacefully for eternity"

"We will cherish you always…"

"We will never forget you."

"May you rejoice in the arms of the Lord for eternity.”

Headstone Poems

Shorts poems also add a personal touch to the headstone. You can either create a poem for your loved one yourself or extract verses from poems you like. Here’s one:

A million times we’ve needed you,

A million times we’ve cried.

If love alone could have saved you,

You never would have died.

If all the world was ours to give,

We would give it, yes, and more,

To see you coming up the steps,

And walking through the door.

To hear your voice and see your smile,

To sit and talk a while,

To be with you that same old way,

Would be our fondest day.

A heart of gold stopped beating

Two smiling eyes closed to rest,

God broke our hearts to prove to us,

He only takes the best.

General Epitaphs

You can also make use of general and simple inscriptions on the headstone. Some ideas are:

Earth has no sorrow that heaven can not heal

May the journey on your next adventure be as joy-filled as your time with us. See you soon!

Don’t mourn my loss, whatever you do  
My leaving brings you closer to the loved ones
I have left behind and all the joys the future holds

You taught all that knew you what courage meant. And have shown us an example in death as you did in life. God give me strength in my life without you.

Signs of Dying with Suggested Cares - Part 1.

Signs of Dying with Suggested Cares

Appreciating the preciousness of human life, based on the understanding of one's body constantly changing, ageing, moving toward death since birth and the uncertainty of life helps us appreciate life and prepare for death. It is natural for one's body to decay especially when accelerated by disease processes. In the final stage when life-sustaining systems begin to shut down, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual changes may occur over weeks, days or hours. Each person's experience is unique, but there are some general similarities.

The following is a very simple account of the normal changes that may occur in the final stage of living, commonly called "dying", with some suggested ways of caring. It is intended to help the dying and their loved ones to understand and be prepared for these changes, in order to provide appropriate safe support and comfort holistically.

Physical Weakness / Lack of Energy / Loss of Interest in Everyday Things

As the body's systems weaken less oxygen is available to the muscles, the life force weakens, and more effort is needed to complete everyday tasks and one may become embarrassed, discouraged, ambivalent, depressed, irritable and/or just naturally become more interested in matters that seem more important: matters of the mind, heart and spirit. This is often a time of self-examination, of questioning, of looking for the meaning of life.

Caregivers can best help by assisting the person with physical tasks, while being sensitive to their feelings, maintaining their dignity and attending to their comfort as much as possible, especially with regard to symptom control and protection from injury. Love and humour can take the tension away from a stressful situation. Laughter opens the heart and can free one to see past appearances and circumstances, leaving the burden of self and entering into a instant oneness with another, that is blissfully rewarding. Psychological and spiritual support means being along side as a good friend: patient, non-judgmental, compassionate, allowing the person's own wisdom to evolve. When regrets appear, see them as lessons learned, encourage memories of meaningful events and practice rejoicing, by seeing the benefits of the kind actions of one's life, allowing whatever faith, hope and love the person has, to exist and develop freely. 

Withdrawal from Family and Friends / Increased Sleepiness / Coma

Neither family, friends nor wealth can be taken with us when we leave this world. Much of the packing it all up and leaving it behind is a solo job and one needs time and privacy to do it. Visitors can be very exhausting and the person may feel they have to entertain their guests even if they can't get up out of bed. Too many visitors one day will often result in the person being more tired and/or more withdrawn the next day. Sometimes the person may sleep more, be difficult to arouse or uncommunicative. This may be due to disease processes, medication, or the person's desire to withdraw from social contact. Simply being a loving presence near the person, holding their hand, sending loving thoughts, silently praying, meditating, just being there for them provides a comforting, safe and peaceful atmosphere that facilitates the person's inner work. The caregiver should try to respect the person's wishes and be aware of what personal desires come up in their own mind and how these can be addressed without disturbing the mind of the dying. Be careful of what you say over their body while the person is asleep or unconscious, they may hear you and it could upset them. Many people who have recovered from a coma (a state where there is no response to voice or touch stimuli, though eyes may still be open) have reported being aware of what others said and even thought in their presence.

Random jerks or twitches can be due to dreams or nightmares, you can reassure them with your kind tone of voice and/or a gentle touch on their hand or arm. The dying are very sensitive to what is communicated by the caregiver's body, speech and mind and the caregiver can become more aware of reactions and messages from the person by watching and listening. The eyes, facial expressions, and breathing changes often indicate what the person is feeling or thinking. The reason why communication is possible on this level and why you can trust your deepest intuition is because the basic nature of every being is pure and knowing, as Christians may say God-like or as Buddhists say having all pervasive, indestructible wisdom nature. Awake or asleep this is always present and available if one is relaxed, open and receptive, but it is much more familiar and easy for those who are habituated to this awareness through meditation practice. The depth of one's spiritual practice is communicated by its own power and has remarkable benefits for others. Stripped of dogma and doctrine, reputation and position, sex, age, and relationship, leaving one's 'self' to enter nakedly with no agenda, into unity with the person, even for a brief moment liberates both parties from the bondage of duality temporally and is profoundly comforting.

Loss of Appetite

Food is a fuel that helps sustain life. As the digestive system gets weaker, food may become more of a discomfort than an enjoyment, some medications may change the tastes of food, and finally the energy required to process the food becomes greater than the energy derived it. Any of these may produce a loss of appetite. Eating habits change. The person may become overwhelmed by a "normal size" meal. He/she may take a few mouthfuls of their "favourite" meal and feel full. Small attractively presented meals may tempt them. But consider who is getting the satisfaction - family and friends who want to nourish their loved one, so that the person can get better and live longer? It's often the hardest thing for the family to face; but the refusal to feed the body is not a refusal for nourishment. It is a sign that priorities have changed to nourishing the soul/spirit/mind. Forcing the person to eat or making them feel guilty if they don't, only isolates and distances them even further. The person approaching death needs to know that it is OK not to eat. Respect and acceptance brings people closer together which comforts the dying person and the caregiver too.

Difficulty Swallowing

As the swallowing reflex weakens, swallowing becomes difficult. It may become frightening for the person to attempt to eat or drink or the person may be slipping into unconsciousness. It is best to offer very small amounts (half a teaspoon) and observe the throat to see if swallowing has taken place. Tolerance of food generally progresses from solid to soft to liquids (soups and dietary supplements), to ice chips and spooned or sucked water. It is safer to feed a person who is upright, but if the person is used to eating in an incumbent position, it is generally easier to swallow if their head is kept straight, not turned to the side. The sucking reflex seems to last a long time as the caregiver will see when attempting to clean the person's mouth or teeth. Mouth care is important for comfort and dignity. Medications can be crushed and capsules opened and mixed with jam, jelly, yoghurt or like foods. Do not crush time-release or long acting medications. Discuss with your nurse or doctor any problems with medications; alternative medications or modes of delivery are available. Do not give food or liquids to a person who is unconscious. It may cause the person to choke or to inhale the foreign matter.

Confusion

The level of awareness and cognition can change frequently and unexpectedly, due to many causes (i.e. disease processes, tiredness, medication). When a person becomes confused, there can be a decrease of oxygen to the brain and they may not recognise familiar people, places, the time of day or year etc. or they may hear voices or see visions. Do not negate what they say or argue with them. This is their personal reality, which can be a pleasant comforting experience for the person and could also be a sign that the person's mind is peaceful or joyful with happy expectation. But if their experience upsets or disturbs them, gently touch or stroke their arm or hold their hand and speak calmly with a soft reassuring voice and remind them of who you are, where they are, what day it is etc. Aromatherapy and their favourite music or chanting of their faith, is also helpful.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Losing someone or something you love is very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the sadness will never let up. These are normal reactions to a significant loss. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve —there are healthy ways to cope with the pain.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. 

The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved.

Everyone grieves differently

Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

Burial VS Cremation

Planning how to say good-bye to people we love is not an easy thing, whether you have lost a loved one or are making arrangements for your own farewell, There are two main options to consider after death, burial and cremation.

What cremation is: 
the body of the deceased is reduced to fragments of bone thru temperatures ranging from 1,500 F to 2,000 F degrees.  The actual cremation process takes from two to three hours with the time depending upon the weight of the individual.

Some people turn to cremation over burial or entombment because of the convenience, finding it more practical or cheaper to handle ashes instead of a body.

At this time, cremation is not allowed by the Orthodox Jews, the Islamic religion, Eastern Orthodox religion and some Fundamental Christian sects.

What a Burial is:
Process where a body is lowered into the earth’s soil in a casket, allowing the body to decay by a normal process.

The benefit of a burial is having a place to go to visit the departed provides solace to many loved ones.  A burial site provides a tangible link to the deceased.

For many people, the idea of a body slowly decomposing underground in a casket is undignified and even frightening. Cremation’s quick and clean disposal of a body is comforting to these people other people believe a burial as opposed to cremation demonstrates respect for the human body, they also believe that the body should be allowed to decay by a normal process instead of hastening which occurs during cremation.

What is a Trust Fund

What is a trust fund?

Trust funds are arrangements that allow individuals to create sustained benefits for another individual or entity. Sometimes parents establish a trust fund to provide some degree of financial security for their children, with the trust providing resources to meet basic needs after the parents are deceased. A trust fund can also be established to benefit a charity or other non-profit organization.

The main idea behind a trust fund is to allow the grantor or donor who established the fund to rest assured that loved ones or a particular organization receive the benefit of his or her estate after the grantor dies. The trust is aimed at providing sustained support in some manner.

A trust can include a wide range of assets. In addition to cash, a trust fund may include resources such as property, stocks, bonds, or any other type of financial instrument. The trust fund may be managed by a single trustee, or be structured to allow for more than one trustee. It is the responsibility of the trustee to see that the resources included in the trust fund are used in the best interests of the recipient of the trust.

Why open a trust fund?

A trust fund can serve a dual purpose that has great benefits. It can provide protection for family assets and money when the grantor dies against taxes and claims. And a trust can provide for the future needs of the grantor or his family or business. Money or assets put into a trust fund are not subject to estate taxes and may be exempt from other types of taxes as well, depending on the type of trust you have set up.

A trust:

* Provides stability

* Saves time and money in court

* Saves on taxes

* Privacy and no questions

No matter what type of trust fund you end up choosing, considering one is a wise choice. Trust funds can be an avenue for sound financial benefits and to make sure your family and estate are taken care of the way you would do it if you were here. Preparing now for the financial future lets you enjoy today without worrying. Tough Times has now opened a full funeral service, contact us for free advise

Writing a Will

Who Needs A Will?
Wills are not just for the rich. Regardless of how much or how little money you have, a will ensures that whatever personal belongings and assets you do have will go to family or beneficiaries you designate. Without a will, the court makes these decisions.
If you have children, a will is a must, to ensure that you get to choose your children's guardian. Few people plan to die in the near future, but if you die suddenly without a will, you'll be subjecting your family and loved ones to confusion and anxiety at what is already a difficult time.
There are other benefits to having a will, including tax benefits.

Do You Need a Lawyer?
For most people, a will is easy to produce and can be prepared using legal software
How Do You Get Started?
At a minimum, a will should do the following: appoint a guardian if you have minor children, appoint an executor to administer your will when you die, and spell out specifically how you want your property distributed.
The first step in deciding how you want your property distributed is gathering information. You'll need the following:
Names, addresses, and birth dates for you, your spouse, your children, proposed guardians, and executor of your estate.
Amounts of all debts, including mortgages, car loans, student loans, business loans, and credit card accounts.
Copies of existing wills, trusts, divorce decrees, prenuptial agreements and any other legal documents that might affect a will.
A list of assets, including detailed information about the following:

• Real estate
• Savings (bank accounts, CDs, money markets)
• Investments (stocks, bonds, mutual funds, CDs)
• Life insurance policies
•  pension/retirement accounts
• Life insurance policies and annuities
• Ownership interest in a business
• Cars, boats, planes and other vehicles
• Jewelry
• Collectibles
• Artwork
• Antiques
• Furniture
• Other personal property

If you decide to do it yourself using software like Willmaker, sit down in front of your computer with all of the above information and in a few hours you can produce a will that is legal in your state. Be sure to follow the software's instructions on having your will signed and witnessed. If you feel more comfortable having a lawyer do it, you'll need to take the above information with you to your appointment.
The best of wills won't be any good if nobody knows how to find it. Make sure your family members and your executor know where your will is kept.

Tough Times will soon be providing a full funeral home service. Contact our friendly staff for assistance with your Will.